Don’t Lose Yourself

Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Mark 10:46-52 (NIV)

Bartimaeus was a blind man caught between worlds in so many ways. He was caught living between Jews—their customs and traditions, their religious practices and their faith beliefs—and the Romans, who occupied the land, oppressed the people, and fed their own greed at the people's expense.

Bartimaeus was caught between his own physical conditions. He could see, with his inner eye, his need for Jesus and his need for a miracle, yet he was unable to physically see.

And Bartimaeus was also caught between people's tolerance and their ambivalence. They didn't mind him sitting by the roadside begging. They could tolerate that. But they didn't want to deal with his desires to see or his belief in Jesus's ability to heal.

Yes, Blind Bartimaeus, sitting by the roadside, was caught between worlds, caught between conditions, caught between people's tolerance and ambivalence.

It's easy to lose yourself when living in that kind of middle space, isn't it? It’s easy for the culture’s tension around you to seep in and become part of you. You feel obligated to choose sides, even though both sides may have virtue and vice. It’s so easy to see and sense both sides of an issue that you end up losing yourself between sight and blindness. It’s easy to lose yourself when those around you are both irritated and tolerant of your very presence and existence. They encourage your roadside hustle as long as it doesn't interfere with their mainstream ambitions.

Bartimaeus had lost a lot. He had lost his sight. He had no competitive station in life. He, along with the other Jews, had lost cultural power amid the Roman occupation. And when he started crying out and began to be hushed by the crowd, it appeared he had lost his right to speak up for his choices. But Bartimaeus kept crying out for Jesus, proving that amid all he had lost, he hadn't lost himself. He hadn't lost his voice, his choice, his fight, or his determination. He was still there. Even if behind blind eyes, he was still there.

My exhortation to you today is that, with a confidence in the Lord like Bartimaeus had, don't lose yourself in the constant struggles and battles you must face in this life. Don't lose yourself amid pain and heartbreak and disappointment and regret. Don’t lose yourself.