For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (NIV)
Thinking about families and fathers, as I have been for the last week, I began to think about all the stories I hear of grudges that go too far. In my profession, you hear a lot about family. True, you get to hear all the joys—all the births and graduations and marriages, as well as all the makeups and returns to God—but you also get more than enough of the ugly side of things. Sometimes, it’s petty; it’s a child or spouse who refuses to do the chores or it’s a forgotten birthday or anniversary. Sometimes, it’s an off-the-cuff comment that stung a little harder than expected. And sometimes, it’s serious. Sometimes, it’s the stuff we need to ask God about, the stuff we truly need guidance on.
I can tell you, all families have these sorts of dynamics. Every couple bickers and every child goes through growing pains. Most of us sulk for a bit when these things happen and then move on, forgiving our spouse or parent or child, perhaps discussing the problem or just shrugging it off when we realize it wasn’t actually that big a deal.
But we all know families where that isn’t the case, where grudges run on not for hours or days but for years, where hatred is allowed to “stir up strife” but love is never given the chance to “cover all sins” (Proverbs 10:12). Grudges, we all know, can destroy a family. Consider how torn apart David and Saul were over a grudge of who should be king. Consider how far Joseph’s brothers were willing to go because they begrudged their father’s preference.
Now, those are quite big issues, and these are tough challenges—and some of the families around us have these sorts of difficulties—but not every family needs such a consequential issue to see itself destroyed. I’ve witnessed families break apart for the tiniest little thing, for insults said in the heat of the moment and mistakes made decades before. I tell all these families the same thing: you have to learn to stop holding on. You’ve got to let go and forgive.
We talk a lot about forgiveness in Christianity. God’s act of forgiveness in His Son Jesus Christ has made all the difference for humanity. We weren’t deserving, maybe we weren’t even ready, but Christ was there all the same, willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for us, to show that God was capable of forgiving anything.
And I mean anything. Think of the worst thing you’ve ever done. He can forgive it. Think of the worst thing you blame on your spouse or your parent or your neighbor. He can forgive that, too.
We know that. We know that awesome power. And we talk about it all the time; we praise God for it every day. What we don’t talk enough about is the need for us to extend that privilege to those we know and love. We have been forgiven, but the flip side is that we need to forgive. We are, in fact, required to forgive.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Jesus lays it out right there. You’ve got to do some forgiving before you deserve that forgiveness yourself.
And think about the weight of that burden. On the one hand, you’ve got some old family grudges going around, perhaps a sibling who stole a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past or a parent who never rose to the challenge of that role. I’m not saying either of those are easy to let go of, but before you continue to brush that person aside, think for a moment about all of your sins, all the sins you’ve committed in your life. Every last little mistake you’ve made, every last act against God. When you sum all that up, is it more or less than what this sibling or parent did to you? No matter what, God is willing to forgive you for all that. But you’ve got to forgive first.
I wrote last week about what fathers need to teach their children. They need to teach them to be strong and moral, and to have the strength to let go when the time is right. But they also need to teach them to have the strength to stop holding on to what holds us back, to have the strength to forgive.
We often learn our strongest lessons from our parents, and if we are an example of forgiveness to our children, they will learn how powerful that act is, both for personal relationships and for faith. When we storm about and sulk because of a little slight or mistake, we teach our children to nurse these petty hurts; we teach that it is right to hold on to any offense and that forgiveness is only for others and only for God.
And forgiveness is for others, and it is for God. But it is for each of us as well. When Jesus told us to turn the other cheek, He didn’t just mean specifically about slaps. He meant we have to be generous in our hearts, to be ready to forgive any grudge no matter how painful.
It’s that sort of commitment that keeps a family together, and that makes a father so important to that family.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (NIV)
With Father’s Day coming up this weekend, I’ve been thinking about what it means to be a father and what my responsibilities are to fatherhood. As we should, we talk a lot in this society about mothers and about how important they are to a child. We know how a mother nurtures and guides, and we honor that. But fathers have their place as well, and we’ve all seen what happens to a family when they aren’t doing their jobs.
Now, every family is a little different. Some fathers make a point of getting to every baseball and softball game and some just make the time to watch Disney movies. Some are the disciplinarians and some invite their children to see them as a mentor and a counselor. Most, in fact, make a mix of all these qualities. And all that is fine, all that can work. But one thing a father has to do is to teach his children how to let go.
Last summer, I saw my daughter, Houston, off to college. You can imagine how difficult that moment was: that last embrace before driving away, that last look in the rearview mirror at her new home where I couldn’t be there every day to protect her, to watch over her. We’re a close family, and taking those steps back to the car were harder than I can describe. It was one of the most difficult moments of my life, but I knew I had to do it, and I knew I had to show her both how difficult it was and how important it was I do it.
I was helped, I have to admit, by knowing just what it means to have a little freedom. When my parents let me leave the nest for college, when they taught me how to let go, I was able to find the personal space to accept God into my life in a way that changed everything. It was on my own in college that I received my call. I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t begging God to speak to me, to pull me in. I had to have a little space and I had to find myself before God could get me to truly notice Him. If I had stayed at home, stuck to the shallows of home life with my parents always watching over me, how long before I would have had the space on my own to listen for the Lord?
Now, I don’t expect my daughter to necessarily get that call, but I do know that she needs the room to see for herself where God wants her to go in life. We all know the verse from John written above: “the truth will set you free.” We also know just how true it is. Knowing God’s truth has made us all free.
But one side of this equation that we don’t often think about is how important it is to be free in order to find truth. God gave us free will for a reason, so we could freely choose Him. Under the roof of parents who raise children to love God, that choice is only so free. There’s the pressure of family and the pressure of the church and community. Everybody is telling this child to come to God, to love God, and they may do it, but they haven’t chosen to do it. We can probably all remember being young and just accepting what our elders told us.
To truly know God, we have to come to Him from our own way, down the path we chose freely. Even the disciples were no different. That’s why we have so many stories of their different calls. They needed to experience Christ on their own, seeing Him from their own unique lives, and making the free choice to see the truth.
Unfortunately for us fathers out there, that means we’ve got to let our little girls and our little boys out of our sight sometimes—we’ve got to let them experience freedom like we did—so that their commitment to God is genuine and theirs alone.
As fathers, we work hard to build up strong children with morality, faith, and decency in their hearts. We try to show them what it is to be strong and committed to God. And one of the most important ways we do that is by having the strength to let them go.
That way, when they come back to God and they come back to us, we know their love is genuine, and we can rejoice all the more in the beautiful people we have helped create.
Please also remember that in times of tragedy when we are trying to make sense of violence or heartbreak, humanity and prayer should be at the forefront of our minds.
When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch." (NIV)
Last week, I wrote about the need to put aside our easy distractions and make a point of living up to our purpose. We have to stop always swimming in the shallows and let God help us swim into the deep waters where we can do the most good for Him and for ourselves. But I can already hear the objections you’re having: “I’m ready to swim, I’m putting the distractions aside, I’m ready to dive wherever God tells me to dive, but where am I going? Where exactly am I swimming to?”
That’s a good question. When we’re ready to take that dive, we can sometimes find ourselves confused. We all know we have a purpose, and we all know we are loved by God. “For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you” (Isaiah 41:13). God’s there ready to take our hand, but where is He leading us? Where does He want us to go? Where exactly are these deep waters?
The truth is, these waters are all around us. How many of us walk by a homeless person every day without looking for purpose from him? How many of us see a family struggling in our community and fail to see purpose on their doorstep? How many of us see a child in need or a friend or a mentor and see no purpose there either?
The truth is, purpose can be found in every direction, and when we think about it that way, the only answer is to “put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”
Fishing is a favorite metaphor for our Lord. He lived in a culture that survived partly on the trade. And while we might think we can understand that connection when we sit on the banks of the river on a Saturday and cast a line in to see what bites, the truth is, few of us know the dedication it takes to really live by fishing. Those like Simon Peter, who Jesus was talking with in Luke, knew that to fish is to live; fishing takes purpose. In other words, it takes dedication, focus, and commitment.
When Jesus said these words to Peter, it was after a night of fishing when he had caught nothing despite his best efforts. It wasn’t that Peter was lazy—he wasn’t procrastinating in his trade and sticking to the shallows—but something was still missing from his purpose.
In the next verse he says, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”
That is the key. “Because you say so.” When we decide to cast out into deep waters, we need to be looking for God there to help us. We need to take our purpose and combine it with God’s purpose in order to start making a difference.
Of course, Peter soon found that his boat was full of fish, that Jesus had taken Peter’s purpose in his context—fishing—and given him success when he merged it with God’s purpose, which was showing faith in the Lord and helping to convert James and John. The result was so miraculous and overwhelmed Peter so much, he protested he didn’t deserve it. The Lord had to remind him that none of us are worthy and none of us deserve our blessings, but God in His love delivers them anyway, especially when we search in the deep waters.
When we consider such miracles, it seems obvious that purpose is never too much and the water is never too deep. Though we may struggle to catch a single fish on our own, God is there to bring a great catch in for us.
Our part is simply to keep fishing, to return to the deep waters even after an unproductive night out. We have to pursue purpose with purpose. We must keep casting our nets out in our community and allow God to fill them with purpose. We must remember what Jesus said to Peter when he felt so unworthy.
“Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.”
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.” (NIV)
What do you think you spend more time on: doing what you need to do, or putting it off? Give your honest answer: are you living up to your purpose, or are you putting it off for another day?
Summer is the season when it’s easiest to give in to procrastination. The weather is nice and warm, there are sports to play, concerts to go see, evening walks, festivals—every kind of distraction you could possibly wish for is available if you’re looking to procrastinate.
As I move into my summer series about conquering those things that are holding us back from God and success, I want to start with the topic of avoidance and procrastination because it can be the most devastating; it’s the one that can hold everything up. After all, how are we going to conquer anything if we are so busy putting everything off? How are we even going to see what’s wrong if we’re so busy looking for a good distraction?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not above setting some work aside before I’ve completed it from time to time. I’m not above changing plans when there’s a big game to watch or a friend in town. I know how easy it is to find a reason to put off the gym and avoid that serious talk with someone. But I know, as we all need to know, that distraction is the wrong choice, that I’ve got a purpose to get back to, and every moment I spend away from it, I’m taking away from the reason I’m here. If we make a habit of this in life, if we let ourselves be trapped by a preference to go swimming in the shallows, we’ll never get to the good stuff—to the deep stuff—that makes life so rich and worth living. Don’t get me wrong…sometimes it is necessary to take a break and unwind from a hectic schedule and demands that other people may place on your time. Sometimes that requires a change in your plans. Just be sure not to become comfortable with continuously putting things off and not achieving what you originally set out to do.
“When you pass through the waters, I’ll be with you.”
That’s God reassuring Isaiah. Isaiah had some pretty deep waters to swim through. He was tasked with guiding the faithful in a very turbulent time. It’s not hard to imagine why he might want to keep to the shallows to avoid his divine purpose. He could have begged God for a little more time to get in some traveling, or begged for a little more time to get on with his hobbies, or begged for just a little more time to rest and lay about before he was called.
He didn’t. We know how he responded. He said, “Here am I” (Isaiah 6:8), because he knew God was going to be there to help him through the tough stuff. And he knew nothing was as important as diving in deep and getting to his purpose, to God’s purpose for him.
That’s a lesson we could all use. Sometimes we need to put down the iPad and turn off the game so we can dive into what God needs us to do. That may be spending more time with family or participating in the community. It may be getting to church every Sunday or focusing on putting that business plan together. Or, it may be becoming part of a cause or finding a way to mend a broken relationship. Regardless, if we take the time and effort to swim out into the deep water where we are less comfortable, we will find that God is there to show us where to dive and bring us back to the surface.
God’s presence is everywhere, but to get Him helping you, you have to earn it. You have to prove you are ready for Him, that you are working for Him, by showing that His priorities are your top priorities, and simple distractions aren’t going to keep you from Him.
God tells Isaiah in the first verse of chapter 43, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you.”
Do not fear. There’s nothing to fear here. The deep waters ahead look scary and the shallows seem safer, but God’s not looking to protect you in the kiddie pool. God is waiting for you there, in the deep water, in the tough work He’s assigned to you.
He’s giving us a chance. He’s reaching out His hand and offering to guide us through the deep waters of our challenges in life, and we’ve got to stop putting off reaching out to Him. There will always be distractions that make it easy to leave the challenges in life for another day. But if we want to dive into our purpose in life, we’ve got to put all that on the shelf. That doesn’t mean never watch the game or take those evening walks. But it does mean that those are treats to relieve us at times when we truly need relief. They are simply the shallows that we know we can swim back to for a time of rest after diving into the deep.
One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (NIV)
A church should never be considered so full that it can’t accept one more believer. A person should never be so busy they can’t offer a little help to someone in need. We’re living in a world of walls, and we need to remind ourselves that our faith demands that we not put walls up, but knock them down in the name of Jesus Christ.
With Jesus’ name on our lips, it’s time to get to the source of the call to make room. We have considered what Peter and Paul had to say on this subject. We’ve seen how they call us to humble ourselves and open our doors, to offer ourselves to those who are struggling and searching for God, no matter how different we are on the surface.
They got their attitude from Jesus, who wasn’t interested in barriers. He wasn’t interested in who called themselves Samaritans or who started out rich or poor. Remember that this was a very divided world, one in which the majority of the people were peasants working the land, barely getting by in a country occupied by a rich foreign power that took heavy tax and enforced its laws brutally.
People wanted to fight, to call out those who wore the fancier cloaks or who spit on beggars with their hands out. People were angry and in no mood to make room for anyone. “I barely have enough for me, why should I make room for my brother or my sister?”
So, when Jesus was asked by a teacher of the law what the most important commandment was, it was a loaded question. Jesus could have chosen any number of more popular answers among the divisive laws in the Old Testament. He could have referenced Exodus 23:33 that forbid foreigners to settle in the land, or Deuteronomy 7:3 that forbid intermarriage with outsiders. He might have put Leviticus 19:17 first, which says forgiveness is absolute for fellow Israelites, but only for them.
Instead, he chose to get to the heart of faith, that God is everything and it is our purpose to worship him, that God is so deeply set in our hearts that we are nothing without Him, that all we can do is love Him. Then, He blew up all the ancient world walls and said we must take that divine love and love our neighbor.
Now, who is that neighbor? Not a Jew or a Gentile—remember, God makes no such distinction. No, our neighbor is everyone, anyone in search of God, anyone looking for the entrance of the church. We might live next to people of different colors and origins; our neighbor on the right may be rich, and our neighbor on the left might be poor. It doesn’t matter. We are to love them all. Equally. And we are to welcome them all—equally—to God.
Given all the commandments of the Old Testament, Jesus chose only those two. Our hearts are to be opened for love and love only, not for anger or hatred, not for prejudice or ignorance. These two truths build off one another. You cannot have one without the other. If you worship Jesus, you must love your neighbor. If you love your neighbor, it is through the love of God.
Put this way, we know we must make room. Our church doors must be open and our homes must be open. Our minds must be open against prejudice, and our hearts must be open for love of every one of our neighbors in Christ.
As Jesus said, “There is no commandment greater than these.”